birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
MIDGETS
????
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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