I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
