Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
