well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
