my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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