So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
