i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
