I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
