you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize