And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
