I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
