it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
