babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
did i just pee glitter
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