Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
