Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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