SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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