respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
