do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
