pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
