It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
