i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
