why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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