She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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