dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
