maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
