my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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