ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
