i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
