if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
