So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
