After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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