i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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