Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
