Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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