just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
