Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize