Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
