Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Im part way to drunk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
