There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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