My friends, they love my intelligence
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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