If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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