I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize