I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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