My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
