he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
