I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
