So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
