I'm jealous of your bromance
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
