So drunk its hurt
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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