I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
