He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
