That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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