thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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