Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
