My friends, they love my intelligence
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize