Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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