I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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