Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
