My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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