Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
