I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
