very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
