You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
