We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize