I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Shame is for Republicans.
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