if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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