some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
