He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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