if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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