I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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