can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
