I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
