Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
