I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i think my cat just said my name.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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