my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
