You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
