you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
