I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
