In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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