thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
