cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
