Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
