My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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