Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
