He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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