I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you made out with another girl for some wings
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
