Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
