Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
