We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
