Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
