the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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