Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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