I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
