fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
