1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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