if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
