my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize